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We’re all equally in trouble. Because nobody is perfect.

1,474 words

Making better choices is only half of it. The other half? Others making better choices with and toward you.

Quick review

Previously, I used the four-quadrant wheel to show how you naturally cycle through four psychosocial growth seasons.

  • spring – drawing closer in a relationship

  • summer – mostly together with one another

  • autumn – drifting apart from one another

  • winter – mostly alone in meaningful solitude

Then I matched this to your four types of psychosocial relational needs.

Applying this same nature-based anakelogy cycle, I now fit these into three types of wellness cycles. These link how well you function with how well your psychosocial needs are met.

  • green zone – your psychosocial needs fully resolve, so you function optimally

  • yellow zone – your psychosocial needs don’t fully resolve, but you function adequately

  • red zone – your psychosocial needs remain painfully unresolved; function collapses

Finally, for good measure, I add a fourth wheel. To roll over some questionable notions.


1. Green zone wellness cycle

Have a drink of water. Your thirst goes away. Likewise, when you draw closer to a trustworthy friend while feeling lonely, your loneliness likely goes away.


The more you can fully resolve your emotional needs when they occur, the more readily the pain goes away. You can function better.

Simply put:

1) you resolve your needs together, or apart;

2) which increases functioning for you and for others you impact,

You can then freely focus on others things. You promptly go from at-rest to aware or to alert and back fully to at-rest.

  • You satisfy your interdependency need for negotiating trust when finding one trustworthy.

  • You then satisfy your dependency needs with mutual affirmation.

  • Your counterdependency need to integrate more of your autonomy is realized.

  • Your independency need for self-efficacy caps off with liberating responsibility.

Rinse and repeat.

2. Yellow zone wellness cycle

With no water available, you guzzle down some soda pop. Your thirst subsides but doesn’t entirely go away. Your body still requires what you didn’t give it. Likewise, you try drawing closer to a casual friend for some social comfort, but she’s preoccupied with her phone.


The less you can fully resolve your emotional needs as they occur, the more its pain may linger. You function adequately.

Simply put:

1) you try to resolve your needs together or alone;

2) but without fully resolving those needs you function below an optimal level,

You don’t always return to that at-rest line of functional equilibrium. But you can still function well enough while kept aware of what’s missing. Or you may have to remain on alert.

  • Your interdependency need suffers with the mounting mistrust.

  • Your dependency needs pull you into compulsory cooperation.

  • Your counterdependency need for autonomy gets <