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Stretch-grow

NEUTRALIZE your false urgencies

REALIZE you have better options

MATERIALIZE the best course for you

Stretch your fragility into resiliency, by growing it one step at a time.

Developing your psychosocial resilience

 

Learn to sharpen your capacity to do more in the face of odds, from within and from without.

 

Learn how much more you can honestly endure beyond your assumed comfort zone. Stretch yourself with guided reflection so you can:

  • keep false urgency at bay by realizing your body prompts you to be ready with more than necessary,

  • delay gratification long enough to take in a more meaningful reward,

  • focus on resolving needs instead of settling to ease pain.

 

Learn how much more you can handle when handling with supportive others. Stretch your capacity to live fully when lived more deeply with others who:

  • graciously yet firmly call out your mistakes,

  • inform you of information beyond your reach,

  • help soften the blows of life by being there to offer what you cannot supply to yourself.

 

Learn to integrate both your internal and external supports. Take in more of what life offers by being ready to face and not avoid:

  • inevitable challenges to your goals by knowing you can bounce back from setbacks with friends who got your back,

  • uncomfortable change that threaten to overwhelm,

  • the most difficult tasks necessary to reach your goals to resolve your needs.

Violence is weakness
turned outward.

Resilience is strength
turned inward.

 
Life gives you an overused gift and an underappreciated gift.
Nature's overused gift of urgency

You are built to be alert to whatever affects your needs. Evolution favors the more alert. 

You naturally feel an urgency to take care of something right away. If a coworker offends you, for example, you naturally want to react to keep score. 

Ah, but no so fast! You typically have more time than your emotional reactions admit.

 

In our modern world of conveniences, it’s easy to slip into the mindset that you are supposed to avoid pain.

 

But then you miss the message of unmet need that pain tries to report

Nature's underused gift of pain

I MUST DO IT NOW

Flee pain, and it will chase you down,
to relieve itself by some regretful deed.

Chase pain, and it will flee from you,
after resolving its reported need.

Am I eating now to habitually ease my feelings of hunger? 

 

 

Indigenous wisdom suggests what applies in the mundane corners of living, like eating a meal, also applies in larger matters. The familiar pattern in how we routinely ease our hunger reserves in how we routinely ease our other felt needs.

 

The more passively we consume food, habitually stifling any feelings of hunger, the more passively we're likely to stifle other feelings. We habitually, in our busy lives, avoid the rich depths of exploring our untapped options. We tragically miss our full potential, when slipping into habits of avoiding life's natural discomforts. 

 

The more proactive we approach a meal, the more proactive we may approach weightier matters in life.

Choose the easier path,

and life grows unbearably hard.

If you’re only doing what’s easy,

you’ll find you’re easily barred.

Choose the harder path,

and life becomes a breeze.

With the harder stuff out of the way,

you can do more with ease.

Choose the easier path,

and life grows unbearably hard.

If you’re only doing what’s easy,

you’ll find you’re easily barred.

Choose the harder path,

and life becomes a breeze.

With the harder stuff out of the way,

you can do more with ease.

 

NEUTRALIZE your false urgencies

NEUTRALIZE your false urgencies

Chill enduring

Those who perpetuate problems 

by coercing you to keep avoiding its pain 

are among the most evil in the world.

Those who let you solve problems

by inspiring you to embrace life’s pain

are among the most upright in the world.

Ice exercise

For a baseline, we'll record how long we can grasp an ice cube before letting it go. I say "we" because we'll do this together. 

 

Before we proceed, let's be sure you have no condition that would prevent you from doing this exercise.

 

By participating in this exercise, you agree to first report any medical or psychological conditions where holding ice in your hand for any extended time would be damaging. By doing this exercise with me, as an informed decision, you hold me indelible to damage you failed to warn me about. If you cannot hold ice in your hand for a period of time, we can find another way to develop this skill. And we will forgo this exercise at this time. [REFLECT ON PROCEEDING, ENSURING INFORMED DECISION]

 

If ready to proceed, place the container of ice next to you. Along with something to set down the ice, like a tray or bowl.

 

By the way, you have nothing to prove to me or others right now. No bravado. Drop the ice as soon as you feel it Is intolerable. 

 

As soon as you grasp the ice in your hand, I will start the timer. As soon as you drop the ice, I will mark the lapsed time. As soon as you're ready, pick up and grasp the ice in your hand.

 

[(MARK TIME OF CLIENT HOLDING ICE)]

 

[DEBRIEFING, REFLECTION]

 

Such physical discomfort is much like emotional discomfort. You can increase your tolerance to physical pain and emotional pain...

 

You can because you can now handle more pain than before. How? Because, starting now, you know pain is not the source of your problems, but the unpleasant but essential messenger of trouble.

 

Initial pain will not harm you. Only when you let it build up will it pose any threat.

 

Initial pain alerts you, warns you of something to be removed. Your discomfort has purpose. 

 

It's threat is easy to exaggerate. Pain's bark is worse than its bite.

 

Internal capacity

Take the bite out of pain by shifting from avoiding it to embracing it. As pain grows, instead of your likely first reaction to pull back and avoid it, face it; embrace it. stare it down.

 

Do you feel yourself stiffen up, like a board? That's okay. As soon as you sense your body's routine reaction, start relaxing instead. 

 

Breathe. Draw air in through your nose. Exhale. Feel your body let go of that tension. Be stiff no more. 

 

Let pain flow through you. Let the pain wash away, as soon as you recognize the message if trouble behind it.

 

External capacity

Life's pain is not meant to always be handled alone. Pain more vulnerably shared is pain more boldly endured.

 

So repeat after me, "I can handle this pain. [] It will not harm me. [] I can endure more discomfort [] than I tend to assume. []" ...

 

Now we'll go through this mental exercise again, while holding the ice. Ready? Pick up a handful of ice, but look straight at me. And repeat after me.

 

"I can handle this pain. [] ..."

 

[RELECTION ON TIME DIFFERENCE]

 

WHO is your "champion" when times get rough? With whom will you vulnerable share your pain load, in a mutually loving supportive manner?

 

We'll do this one more time. Except this time you will repeat [CHAMPION] reading the script. 

 

Documenting your growing value

Record how long you waited each time. Aim to wait twice as long as the time before. Set that as your goal, or set a goal you know you can reach. Perhaps 1.5 times longer than each previous meal is more reachable for you (and your proxy).

After the last time of waiting to start to eat, and you are measurably improving your wait times, celebrate with something small, something in easy reach—like watching some show or going out for a leisurely walk, whatever is rewarding for you (and your proxy). If you reached your goal each time, celebrate big!  

Later, we’ll work this into relationship cycles, and leverage it when negotiating for better income opportunities. Those who can delay gratification on a regularly basis are in a better position to bargain for more.

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text

Ice Exercise Measured Discomfort Tolerance

60

50

40

30

20

10

00

seconds clutching the ice

scheduled measuring points

7th

6th

5th

4th

3rd

2nd

1st

 

Ice hold [DATE]-A

Temperature of ice at start:     ________

Start time:  ________      Release time:  ________      

Total time:  ________      % difference:  ________   

  

Ice hold [DATE]-B

Temperature of ice at start:     ________

Start time:  ________     Release time:  ________      

Total time:  ________     % difference:  ________      

 

Ice hold [DATE]-C

Temperature of ice at start:     ________

Start time:  ________      Release time:  ________      

Total time:  ________      % difference:  ________      

 

Ice hold [DATE]-D

Temperature of ice at start:     ________

Start time:  ________      Release time:  ________      

Total time:  ________      % difference:  ________      

 

Ice hold [DATE]-E

Temperature of ice at start:     ________

Start time:  ________      Release time:  ________      

Total time:  ________      % difference:  ________      

Empowering hypothesis: The more you increase how much discomfort you can tolerate (i.e., tolerance level), the better your options to resolve needs. 

Empowering hypothesis: The more you increase how much discomfort you can tolerate (i.e., tolerance level), the easier to focus on other things (i.e., expand your "cognitive load" and appear smarter). 

How applied?

Stretch and Grow exercise follow-up step

This week, try this liberating experience. Liberating because it will literally free you from the habit of reacting to your discomfort, then allow you to feel more of what you need in every present moment.

 

When starting your next meal, pause. Feel your hunger, without satisfying it any material way. Tell yourself:

“I feel hungry, but it’s okay. I give myself permission to feel hungry, without immediately satisfying it. I will not be harmed in any way if I do not start eating right now. I can wait. I can endure feelings of hunger without assuming I’m starving. I feel hungry, but it’s okay to feel hungry. It’s okay to wait. It’s okay to give it time. It’s okay to feel and not chase the feeling away. It’s okay to be in the moment, feeling hunger and not satisfying it too quickly. It’s okay to feel uncomfortable. It’s okay. I’m okay. When I’m ready, and not merely reacting, I will then start to more fully enjoy my meal.”

Then, when you feel yourself in the moment, “I feel hungry, and now I will start to eat and truly enjoy my meal.”

 

On the second day, go through this twice. On the third, three times. And so forth onto the last (sixth?) day. Next week, we’ll process together what if anything you’ve gained from the experience.

How applied?

“What have you faced this last week that you previously avoided? How well do you think you faced the pain? Realized the underlying need? What you can and cannot personally do about it? What you can do to tell others who can do something about it?”

 

Those who avoid pain by reacting to it

as morally bad to be urgently dissolved 

are among the most evil in the world.

Those who embrace pain by acting upon it

as good messengers of trouble to be resolved

are among the most upright in the world.

Those who avoid pain by reacting to it

as morally bad to be urgently dissolved 

are among the most evil in the world.

Those who embrace pain by acting upon it

as good messengers of trouble to be resolved

are among the most upright in the world.

 

REALIZE you have better options

REALIZE you have better options

Mindful eating

 

NONFOCAL

PREFOCAL

FOCAL

DEFOCAL

NONFOCAL

Anakelogy terms

defocal: focus on the need at hand drops away as the need seems apparently addressed sufficiently enough to move on.

evoked need: a need "awakened" by resolving some other need, allowing what was on the back burner to emerge front and center. See prefocal below.

focal: focus drawn squarely on need at hand; along a range from aware of need to alert to the urgency of need to the alarm to shutting down of functionality if not immediately resolved. See focal ranges below. 

 

focal range:  

nonfocal: no focus necessary when a need is fully resolved (or its reporting pain substantially relieved).

 

prefocal: focus increasingly pulled to attend to a need at hand, but not yet front and center; a need can be kept prefocal when too many other needs demand full focal attention. 

Focal Ranges

-0-  - AT REST

1-3 - AWARE

4-6 - ALERT

7-9 - ALARM

 

Mindful delayed start on [DATE]-A

Meal item (specific food item):  ________________

Meal time:  ________      Began eating:  ________      

Total wait:  ________      % difference:  ________   

  

Mindful delayed start on [DATE]-B

Meal item (specific food item):  ________________

Meal time:  ________      Began eating:  ________      

Total wait:  ________      % difference:  ________   

 

Mindful delayed start on [DATE]-C

Meal item (specific food item):  ________________

Meal time:  ________      Began eating:  ________      

Total wait:  ________      % difference:  ________       

 

Mindful delayed start on [DATE]-D

Meal item (specific food item):  ________________

Meal time:  ________      Began eating:  ________      

Total wait:  ________      % difference:  ________       

 

Mindful delayed start on [DATE]-E

Meal item (specific food item):  ________________

Meal time:  ________      Began eating:  ________      

Total wait:  ________      % difference:  ________   

Documenting your growing value

 
Easement orientation

1. Relieve-over-resolve. 

2. Resolve-over-relieve. 

To be precise, there's some nuance in between. You may relieve-as-you-resolve or relieve-to-resolve. 

Choose the easier path,

and life grows unbearably hard.

If you’re only doing what’s easy,

you’ll find you’re easily barred.

Choose the harder path,

and life becomes a breeze.

With the harder stuff out of the way,

you can do more with ease.

Choose the easier path,

and life grows unbearably hard.

If you’re only doing what’s easy,

you’ll find you’re easily barred.

Choose the harder path,

and life becomes a breeze.

With the harder stuff out of the way,

you can do more with ease.

Gratification Delay Timed Eatings

60

50

40

30

20

10

00

seconds clutching the ice

scheduled measuring points

7th

6th

5th

4th

3rd

2nd

1st

The more needs you resolve,

the less pain you must endure.

Symptoms naturally dissolve

with a more meaningful cure.

The more needs you resolve,

the less pain you must endure.

Symptoms naturally dissolve

with a more meaningful cure.

 

MATERIALIZE the best course for you

Life Embracing

MATERIALIZE the best course for you

Life embracing

Valuing your discipline

Demonstrating discipline

A time for everything under the sun

1  - SPRING planting

2 - SUMMER growing

3 - AUTUMN harvesting

4 - WINTER withdrawing

 

Your demonstrable social skills using Michigan Talent “Essential Skills” eLearning. 

Each title is an active link to that unit of the course online at Michigan Talent Connect. Text below as it appears at their website..

Your communication soft skills

1.   Humility

How to be approachable, authentic, and open to alternate ideas/approaches. This is a great place to start. This module includes a DiSC personality profile assessment which will be helpful to the rest of your Soft Skills eLearning experience.

2.   Communication

Communication styles and techniques; appropriate use of different communication methods. Including an assessment to identify your preferred communication style.

3.   Conflict

Managing conflict and identifying your conflict management approach. Includes an assessment of your conflict management style.

Your critical thinking soft skills

4.  Ethical Character

Identify your core values and how they contribute to your ethical character. Including an assessment exercise that helps you reveal your core values.

5.   Personal Judgment

How to make good decisions and exercise workplace appropriate personal judgment. Appropriate social behaviors in the workplace. Includes an assessment about how well you control your impulses in situations of personal judgment.

6.   Problem Solving

Basic problem solving techniques to help be part of the solution. The assessment included evaluates your problem solving skills.

7.   Time Management

Ways to manage your time wisely and avoid procrastination. Including an assessment to determine how well you manage your time. 

Your collaboration soft skills

8.   Diversity and Inclusion

Recognizing and appreciating the importance of diversity and inclusion in the workplace and beyond. Including an assessment that reveals how you consider aspects of diversity and inclusion.

9.   Self-Confidence

The importance of self-confidence and taking responsibility for and pride in ourselves. Including an assessment of your level of self-confidence.

10. Teamwork

Techniques for working well with a team of others toward a common goal. Including an assessment about how well you work in a team environment.

Your creativity soft skills

11. Positive Attitude

Approaching work with a positive attitude and displaying this to co-workers and customers alike. Including a self-assessment revealing your attitude.

12. Initiative

Learn how initiative and being proactive can lead to opportunity. This module includes an initiative profile assessment.

13. Flexibility

Recognize that change is a normal part of work, and understanding how to accept change gracefully and participate in change efforts. Including an assessment of your tolerance of ambiguity.

14. Work Ethic

Being productive, reliable, diligent and loyal to organization’s purpose, mission, and values. Includes a personal work ethic assessment.

Marketable resiliency/discipline

IMPACT ENGAGING

"When you [DO SUCH AND SUCH], I [EXPERIENCE IT AS IMPACTING MY NEED]."

Assess

Audit

Avow

text

text

Letting your team keep you sharp

Documenting your growing value

 

Soft skill observed on [DATE]-A

Soft skill being observed:     __________________

Start rate:  ________      End rate:  ________      

Total time:  ________     Improvement %:  ________   

  

Soft skill observed on [DATE]-B

Soft skill being observed:     __________________

Start rate:  ________     End rate:  ________      

Total time:  ________    Improvement %:  ________      

 

Soft skill observed on [DATE]-C

Soft skill being observed:     __________________

Start rate:  ________      End rate:  ________      

Total time:  ________     Improvement %e:  ________      

 

Soft skill observed on [DATE]-D

Soft skill being observed:     __________________

Start rate:  ________      End rate:  ________      

Total time:  ________     Improvement %:  ________      

 

Soft skill observed on [DATE]-E

Soft skill being observed:     __________________

Start rate:  ________      End rate:  ________      

Total time:  ________     Improvement %:  ________      

Soft Skills Demonstration Scores

60

50

40

30

20

10

00

seconds clutching the ice

scheduled measuring points

7th

6th

5th

4th

3rd

2nd

1st

De-traumatizing the anakelogical way

-0-  - AT REST

1-3 - OVER-AWARE & HYPER-AWARE

4-6 - OVER-ALERT & HYPER-ALERT

7-9 - OVER-ALARM & HYPER-ALARM

Re-focalizing

9-7 - DE-ALARM

6-4 - DE-ALERT

3-1 - DE-AWARE

-0-  - AT REST

The posttraumatic growth as I experienced before

The more seeds in your life you sew,

and the more time you give them to grow,

the more of a harvest your life will bestow.

The more meaning in life you will know.

The more seeds in your life you sew,

and the more time you give them to grow,

the more of a harvest your life will bestow.

The more meaning in life you will know.

Escaping the tyranny of relative deprivation

Escaping the tyranny of relative deprivation